Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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