She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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