i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
