you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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