So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
