A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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