He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
