if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
