he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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