Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Terrible idea I love it
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
