i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
