so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
