It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
