I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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