I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
