he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
