The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
