I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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