Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
