coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
