I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
