how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
