I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
