Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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