love makes seman taste better
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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