I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
We just shotgunned beers for America
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Randomize
