you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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