I seem to have left my pride at pride
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
