I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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