Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I feel like a drive thru vagina
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Randomize
