I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
