you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
