yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I don't deserve a penis
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
