I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
