My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Randomize
