Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
