I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
