i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
