I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
