You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
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