I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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