i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Randomize
