remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
