Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
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