tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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