...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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