I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
