Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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