i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
