these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
