Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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