Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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