all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
