I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Randomize
