Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
