she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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